Twilight Meetings for Worship

I am sharing this article by John Custer of Newtown Square Friends Meeting, which describes the twilight meetings for worship that he has taken the lead in organizing. Typically these meetings are held on a Sunday beginning a half hour before sundown, at a local preserve, usually on a hillside (like the one in this the photo - at the Okehocking Preserve in Willistown). Everyone brings their own chairs, and we set up to watch the "show" that God puts on each night for free. A great and peaceful way to end the weekend, enjoying the sundown, the natural setting, in community with friends. When we have a schedule of these planned meetings, we will post it up here. Stay tuned. Now, here's Johnny!

John Custer
Newtown Square Friends Meeting
Reprinted from “PYM Today” Spring 2011

I suspect that many if not most Friends are able to center without much difficulty within the friendly walls of their respective meetinghouses. However, there are some, including myself, who center much more readily outside in a natural setting. Many happy hours of my childhood were spent walking the fields and woods of my aunt’s ten-acre farm in lower Bucks County. Those times created in me a passion for the environment that continues unabated to this day. I am a member of, and active participant in, a number of environmental organizations, including the Environmental Advisory Committee of Newtown Township (Delaware County).

Several years ago, I began heading to parks and preserves at the end of the day, to meditate while watching the sun go down. This experience created in me a leading to share this wonderful experience with others, and the result has been “twilight meetings for worship.”

The first experimental twilight meeting for worship took place during the summer of 2009 at a local preserve, and included about eight Friends. Bolstered by the very positive feedback from all participants, I scheduled a series of monthly twilight meetings for worship in the spring, summer and fall of 2010. All of these meetings occurred on a Sunday, from about 45 minutes before to about 45 minutes after sunset. All meetings, with one exception, were in the various Willistown Township Preserves created through the hard work and industry of the Willistown Conservation Trust.

The final meeting, thanks to member Ron Ploeg, took place behind the Willistown Friends Meetinghouse, gazing into the extensive fields and woodlands so well preserved by that Meeting.

Response has been enthusiastic. We have attracted members and attenders from Newtown Square, Willistown, Valley, Radnor, Chester, Chestnut Hill and Providence Friends Meetings, and others without any affiliation. All spoke in glowing terms of their experience. The settings and the time periods can only be described as magical. We have been privy to breathtaking sunsets, with the sun disappearing behind woods and fields, and the sky slowly changing from one beautiful hue to another. We have sat at the top of a hill under a spreading oak tree, and watched the surrounding fields come alive with the beacons of thousands of fireflies. We have shared our habitat with deer, horses, red tailed hawks and Canada geese. Birds are seen flying to their evening roosts and heard celebrating the conclusion of one more day on Earth. And always, always, the presence of God is all around us.

We are planning to continue our twilight meetings for worship in 2011, and would welcome anyone who wants to join us (you can contact me at jscuster@verizon.net). Also, if you live a distance from Willistown Township, you may also wish to create twilight meetings for worship within your own meeting. All that is needed is access to a natural setting.

If you are anything like me, the spiritual rewards will surprise and delight you.

Batmen Return

The last bat exclusion project at the Meeting House was done around 1995. Their concern then was the same as ours now - the accumulation of bat guano in the attic. So, they sealed up the areas where they could see daylight - and boarded up the seams between the stone walls and the roof to keep the bats out. We could see their handiwork up there. But for the last several years, it had been clear that the bats were back. I watched several times last summer as at dusk they came pouring out of the building to do their thing. I don't mind them in the neighborhood - I know they are good guys - but I didn't want them living there for 10-20 years, hundreds of them, adding to the piles of guano, and one day having the dropped ceiling fall in from the weight of the guano, and having that smell be the permanent fragrance of the Meeting House. So, that was the impetus for the current project - to exclude them from the attic, but also to welcome them to new bat houses that we would put in place.

So this morning we were again at work at the Meeting House. Another 8:00 a.m. gathering of Scott and Tayo and me. Bob popped his head through the hatch later. As long as we had the ladder up and lighting in place in the attic, I wanted to put down more boards to walk around safely in the attic, and provide a platform and staging area for tools and equipment. So, I bought 1" plywood boards last night, and we hauled them up to the attic; then loaded up more planks that Bob had dropped off earlier in the week as well. Then the three of us climbed up as well - through the hatch, and started laying out the boards where we wanted them.

When you come up the ladder, it does not come through the hatch but ends right below it. So, you come to the hatch, with hands full of gear, you need a place to put down whatever you are carrying up, because then you need two hands free to be able to lift yourself up through the hatch, and then climb off and onto the beams. Last week, and for the last 220 years, you were coming through the hatch and then stretching out to get a hand on a beam, then a foot, then another foot, and then be able to balance on the beams before standing up. There was no floor surface, and you do not want to stand on the plaster and lathe between the beams.

We nailed the plywood in place so now there is a platform to pull yourself on to, and a staging area for tools and supplies beneath the window, which lets in a fair amount of light when opened. We also put in place the planks so that you can walk easily down to the far end, traverse north and then back west, on a boardwalk of planks, all laid from beam to beam and nailed into place.
The last piece of the attic project will be to run wiring for lighting, so that we won't have to carry temporary lights and an extension cord up and set that up to see. A row of ceiling lights and an electrical outlet will provide all the comforts of home for that next group who needs to go up and work in this attic. Perhaps that is 10-20 years from now - who knows - but I wanted to add the electric piece to the project. We could easily just close the hatch and let the next group worry about the same issues when they pop their heads up there in 10-20 years. But I want to make it better for that next group - so that their job up there is made easier than ours was this time.

The planks that Bob has dropped off were vertical slices of tree, not finished sanded wood, but lengths of tree run through a sawmill, some with bark still attached. I suggested that future groups who come up here will think that those are planks from the original construction back in 1791. Scott said "yeah, until they see the nails - that gives it away." The old nails in the 18th century were hand made and very expensive. I did not see any old nails in the attic. Much of the original wood is joined and then has wooden pegs to hold the pieces together, and not nails. We were securing the walkways in place with modern nails. That will be the giveaway. Let those future groups figure that out as well.

Looking back, I know that not many people have been up in this space in 220 years. I've been attending this meeting House since 1995 or so, and had never been in the attic until last weekend. It is inaccessible - there are no stairs in place, no ladder in place, to be able to get there. Before two years ago, you also had to pass through a dropped ceiling of tiles and insulation to get to the attic hatch. So, a long extension ladder had to be brought in and then inserted almost straight up to get to the hatch.

But as a practical matter, there was no reason to go up there, as nothing was stored up there. There had been a bat exclusion project in 1995 or so, and that was the last time the attic has been visited by humans until this spring. I had contacted Beth, one of the people involved in that previous bat project, to ask her about what they had done. She shared the details that she could remember. And then I wondered about who else was in this very select club of people who had been up in that attic. I am guessing that if we gathered together all the people who had ever been in that attic since 1791, we would all probably fit up there. It's a select club. In thinking about that, I decided that when we are done up there this spring, I will print out these journal entries, and the photos of the people who have been involved in the work, and put that all in a time capsule up there, so that the next groups can read what we have done, can add their own entries. If each group does that, and if the Meeting House is still standing in another 100-200 years, there will be a history of the attic visits and the maintenance history up there as well. And each group from the past will introduce themselves to each group from the future in that way. "Hello friends from 3011, and greetings from Doug Humes, in 2011."

After the attic work, we put up the first bat house on an exterior wall of the building. Bob had built the bat house based on readings on the internet. When you are luring bats from their old haunts, we read that it should be sited near the old haunt. It should also face south and east to get full morning sun. While I do not like the idea of having the bat house on the building, I view it as a short term measure. The instructions had further said that once the bats spend a few years in the new space, you can then move it away from the building. So, if the current bats take to this new house, then perhaps in a few years we can move it onto poles in the cemetery.

So, the new bat house went up on the wall of the building, and then Scott reached into our guano bucket, with plastic newspaper wrap on his hand, and rubbed the old guano all over the bat house. The bat house is not far below where the bats had been entering the attic. We were in full sun when putting it up, so it will get full morning sun. So, let's hope they find it, and like it. But I would like to put other bat houses in other locations nearby as well. And soon. They are due back any day from whatever bat cave they spent their winter in.

Two summers ago I tore down the old dropped ceiling and the insulation to open up the west side of the Meeting House so that you could see up to the ceiling below the attic. That also opened up the view to the windows on the south side of the wall, and brought natural light into the room. In uncovering the upper walls, I also uncovered various cracks and bubbling of the plaster walls that need attention. When taking down the dropped ceiling, I had not been able to get to the top of the ceiling to unhook the wires that held the ceiling in place, and so there are about 20-30 wires hanging from the ceiling that need to be removed. To get up to the ceiling to remove those old wires and to patch the various cracks in the ceiling plaster, we need scaffolding. Not many places will rent that any more. I suppose with insurance costs and the risks that working on scaffolding poses, the rental companies simply decided not to carry it or rent it any more. Fortunately, Bob says he has some old scaffolding, and that be believes he has enough of it to build a moving platform. We would erect it inside where we first wanted to work, and the would then move it over, secure it, and then work from point to point, till the wires were removed and the holes were all patched. Then repeat to paint the ceiling. The last piece of the current project would then be to hand new ceiling light fixtures and one or two ceiling fans. With this work done, that room would then be available to hold Sunday meetings in a fresh "new" space, and also make it available for other gatherings - perhaps concerts, speakers, meetings, yoga classes, etc. I want to bring more life to the Meeting, and so I want an attractive space to be able to host those events.

That is where I want to be by June - with that room patched and painted and with new lights and a fan in place. What happens after that is largely out of my hands, but these are good improvements to make. The alternative is to simply let the building continue to deteriorate. Or to say "Let someone else worry about it". But I know that no one else is going to do it right now. I love being in that old building. When everyone left today, I sat down and played the piano a bit, and looked around at the other small improvements that I have made this spring - coat hooks, moving the bulletin board to a more noticeable place, making a more accessible space to display reading material, a new trash can, putting fresh batteries in the flashlight. I have a small notebook full of future potential projects like this. I had the thought a few weeks ago to each week make some small improvement, and over time, they will accumulate. And even after just a few weeks, the chance is noticeable - to me. But if I keep this up, just think what it will look like in a year. I am looking forward to seeing it then.

A Community of Friends

A few weeks ago I was alone in Meeting at the Newtown Square Friends Meeting House on Sunday, wondering where to begin on all the things that need work in our old Meeting House. And by sharing those thoughts online, I have had a wonderful response. A friend of mine, Scott, offered help with the project. When I met him last week to take the initial look (climbing up twenty feet on an extension ladder to a hatch leading to the attic), I also invited Bob, a local sawmill owner had had said he would be glad to help. We assessed what we would need - the attic has no lights, no flooring, and 10-15 years worth of bat guano, and is the summer home of a colony of bats. The purpose of the project is to secure that attic against entry by the bats when they return from hibernation, and also to provide alternative housing for them.

We needed a flooring surface to walk on. Bob has a saw mill and lots of boards in his inventory that he said would be good for our use. Long, but not so wide that we could not fit them through the hatch. We needed lights - and all agreed to bring extension cords to reach from the first floor up and throughout the attic, with a splitter to be able to plug several portable lights in. We needed items to block the entry points - hardware cloth and foam sealant - both available at the local hardware store. Other tools - tin snips to cut the cloth, hammer and nails to secure the flooring, step ladders to be able to reach the high areas, a saw, face masks to filter the guano air. Several people had suggested that in a closed area full of bat guano, we should have full respirators. I had consulted with a bat expert several years ago, and she had said that west of the Mississippi there is a nasty fungus, but that in this area there is no disease spread by guano. So, the basic white mask would be enough.

The wood planks were dropped off earlier in the week. Another friend, Tayo, volunteered to help. We agreed to meet this Sunday morning at 8:00 a.m. The weather was not cooperating - the morning temperatures were supposed to be mid 30's - in an unheated stone building. I wore several layers. Everyone was on time - and we worked first on moving the wood up to the attic - I handed the planks one by one to Tayo, halfway up the ladder leaning against the wall, and he worked it up to Scott, sitting in the hatch, who pulled it through. Ten or twelve planks went up that way. Then we plugged in the extension cords and handed them up and into the attic. Scott had brought large spotlights - so when we fired these up, it lit up the huge old attic fairly well. We then had individual lights to move from place to place as well. We also brought up buckets with tools and supplies, and several step ladders. Everything came up the same way, carried up the 20 foot ladder to the hatch and then handed up. We constructed a boardwalk to be able to navigate the space - we would be fine with the beams that hold our weight, but in between those beams were wood lathe strips to hold in the ceiling plaster. Step on them and down you go - a long drop down. But the wooden planks, laid end to end across the beams, gave us a nice surface to walk back and forth.

With the space set up, Scott went to work on the bat exclusion - setting up a ladder, and several wooden shutters on ceiling beams as a platform for high work. Tayo started digging the piles of bat guano into a large bucket. There were stacks of old windows and decayed lumber in the attic as well, so I made several trips to cart those items out of the attic, down the hatch and the ladder, to a trash pile outside. Back in the attic, there was a small attic window that I was able to open up - it had likely not been opened in 20-30 years, but with some gentle force, it opened without breaking, and brought in a lot of additional light to that end. I looked down to the far end and could see a pair of legs hanging down from the overhead joists. When Scott needed help, Tayo went to join him, and I took over the thankless job of gathering the bat guano into the bucket, using a small broom and a dustpan, and at times gloved hands. It is old guano, not fresh, and so it has no smell. Just piles of small dark pellets, spread out in some areas, and sometimes in piles below favorite nesting areas.

We are going to use the guano in another part of the project. Part of the exclusion process involves providing alternative habitat for the bats. I had given Bob a sample bat box that we had outside for years (and that was never occupied by bats). He is working up several designs based on this sample and what he may find online. The trick then is to make the bat house attractive to the returning bats. How to do that? Make guano stew. Take the guano, soak it in water, and then dunk and soak the bat houses in the resulting stew. Then hang the bat boxes up in locations favored by bats - they need morning sun, and accessibility, yet safety from other predators. So, we are still studying design and placement issues - though we need to get a move on it as the bats return in April.

While we were working in the attic, another friend, Chris, popped his head up to check out the work. He has volunteered to build signage for the meeting house, to replace an old sign that the winter storms damaged this year. So I joined him downstairs and we walked the property to discuss sign design and placement. We have some ideas, and will work on turning them into something concrete in the next few weeks.

Up in the attic there were signs from the original construction of this portion of the meeting house in 1791. Men who had witnessed the American Revolution had been climbing in this same space, to expand the original 1711 one story Meeting House to a much larger two story building with full attic. Each joist had identifying numbers carved into the ends using Roman numbers. Each beam had been numbered below, before being brought up and laid in place sequentially. I don't know who these original workers were, but I felt a kinship with them, hopping from beam to beam as they no doubt were in 1791. Newtown was founded by Welsh Quakers, and so perhaps at the time of construction, many of the workers were members of the Meeting. On Sunday, none of these friends were Quakers or attended this Meeting. They are friends in the broadest sense - people who are willing to take time out of their busy lives to help their friends and neighbors, and work to preserve an old building in need of some love.

We don't have a lot of money to throw at this project. But three weeks ago I was in this same space, wondering where to begin with so much to do. And on Sunday, a small group of friends gathered, and by early afternoon, we had turned off all lights in the attic to check our work, and saw no daylight. We think we have made it much more difficult for the bats to re-enter the building. That's a start. Bat boxes are in the works, and we are studying up on where to install them. I am going to go back to the attic and secure in place the temporary walkways that we put up there. I have asked Bob if he can drop off more of the same type of wood, so we can extend the walkways to the north side of the attic, so that we can circulate there rather than having just one passage east and west. I may also buy some plywood to build a staging area at the hatch, so that when you are at the top of the ladder, hands full of tools, you can reach through and put them on a platform before climbing in and righting yourself on the same platform, rather than stretching and balancing on joists before standing up. I have mapped out in my mind a circuit of lights in the attic, so that the next time someone needs to do work up there, when they come through the hatch, there is a light switch waiting for them, and when they switch it on, there is light. We will need to pull wire up to the attic, but that was part of the next phase anyway - replacing the old wiring and installing light fixtures for the room below. All of these tasks are tasks I can do, with a little help from my friends.

When everyone left on Sunday, I went back into the Meeting House, and sat in silence for a few minutes, in the same place as three weeks ago when I was wondering where to begin. Now I know the answer. I begin there, sorting it out. I reach out and ask for help. I have many talented and knowledgeable people in my life, and many friends who are glad to contribute their skills and knowledge and time, if I only ask. Though the community looks much different from what it did in 1791, and we wear different clothing, and arrive at the meeting house with horsepower rather than on horseback or by foot, yet the human heart remains the same. People of goodwill enjoy helping others. Friends enjoy helping friends. People find virtue in contributing to the community. Being a part of something larger than themselves. Lending a hand so that this old meeting house, which has served the community for 300 years, will continue to do so, if we keep it up, and keep the doors open for each new generation to discover it. I am very grateful for this lesson, and thankful for my friends who made this day possible. There is more to do, but I have the lesson of the last few weeks to guide me. I am looking forward.

The view that few have seen since 1791 - looking out the attic window to the cemetery.

The beams, all marked with XVI for this particular joint.

Circled on the map ...

What a difference a week makes. Last week at Sunday meeting, I was alone in our 300 year old Meeting House for the hour of meeting. I played the piano as I usually do. Actually, when I am alone with just 300 years of Quaker ghosts, I take more chances and explore more musical ideas than I would if I was simply playing gentle background music while people settled into the silence. There is a clock above the piano with a loud and regular tick tock, and so at times I use the clock as my rhythm section, and play something in tempo with the clock. This day, I picked up a 100 year old book of hymms, and leafed through them. I can't read music, except at an excruciating slow pace. At that pace it is no longer music but simply aural torture, for me and the listener. So I don't do that when others are in the room either. But, I have the gift of being able to simply sit down and improvise at the piano ... and so this morning I leafed through that old hymnal and made up my own music to the lyrics in the hymnal. And after working through a few verses, I would settle on a version that I liked, and play it through, and sing along. Then I would work through the actual song to see what the composer thought it should sound like. It was never even close to what my version sounded like. But fun for me to improvise and come up with music that was hymn-like rather than jazz oriented.

When no one is there, I tend to play the piano longer, before leaving the bench and settling in to the silence. It was still cold last week so I sat next to the gas stove. I am silent but not settled these days. We are supposed to be celebrating the 300th anniversary of the construction of the original portion of this Meeting House, but there are so few of us to do anything. If it is going to be done, then I need to do it. So I sit there in silence, but when I am alone, my thoughts drift to all that needs to be done there. Dealing with the bats in the attic. The plastering and painting. Exterior painting and repairs. Electrical work. Where can I find scaffolding. Repairing the driveway. Replacing the sign that blew down over the winter. Righting the fallen stones in the burying ground. Getting the blower to work on the stove. The piano needs to be tuned. If we had an electrical outlet there we could plug in the internal heater and it would hold its tune. Need to check in the basement and see if we can bring a line up. Would love an outdoor faucet so we don't have to carry water from the bathrooms. Need to come up with a theme for Historic Newtown Square Day in June. And on and on. It is not restful or worhsipful when I am there alone. Yet I know I am not alone. People have been coming to this spot for 300 years to worship. There are times when I feel their physical presence in the meeting house. I did this morning - they are sitting in silent expectation - and they are asking me whether this is going to be the last year that we have an active meeting in Newtown Square. I don't have a good answer for them. I leave unsettled that morning.

But this past Sunday, there were others there, just a few, but that was an improvement. Worshiping in the presence of others ... whenever two or more are gathered in his name. I still fight to get into a deeper silence, but with others there, it is an easier trip. Afterwards, I talked about our need to come up with a theme for Historic Newtown Square Day. And then in talking about it, I stumbled over a good idea, that led to another and another. The others joined in the discussion. We agreed - a great idea - if we can follow up and find out whether it can actually be done. I leave uplifted, excited, with a purpose. I can't accomplish everything on my list, but I can try to put this good idea into play. And perhaps by doing so, I will find another person who may share this passion to keep this Meeting House alive for another 300 years. And if there are two of us, then there are likely to be more. And so I go out of the meeting house and into the sunlight refreshed, and energized, and aimed in a good direction.


“This place where you are right now
God circled on the map for you”

On Death and Dying

(reprinted from original publication on April, 2009)

Despite the recurring theme in this column, I don’t dwell on death and dying. I have many interests and activities – music, travel, biking, hiking, etc. But there are times when we all have had to deal with death and dying, and I am going through one of them now, with the final illness of a loved one. I find it helpful to write about what I am feeling, as it helps to clarify my thoughts. I have lost a mother, a father and a fiancé to cancer, and so I have been down this path before. It does not get easier, but the path becomes more familiar. Years ago I had read the seminal book on the subject, "On Death and Dying" by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She posits five stages in the process of dealing with terminal loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Not everyone goes though these stages in the same order, at the same pace, or with the same result. The variety of the human condition is infinite – and so everyone must find their own way through it all. And acceptance for the survivors, for those who have lost a loved one, does not mean the loss goes away or somehow becomes less important; it simply can mean that you have made some peace with your loss that allows you to resume the routines of life without dwelling unnecessarily on what you have lost.

My mother, at age 18, lost her brother Sam, age 21, during World War II. She told me years later on what would have been his 75th birthday “Not a day goes by when I don’t think of Sam.” Acceptance for her did not mean burying his memory, but honoring his life and their relationship by making peace with the daily thoughts that she had about him. I have tried to learn from her experience, but with each new loss, the old wounds are re-opened. I still have the anger that my father died at age 62, and never met any of his 7 grandchildren. But he had a loving family, a wife and four children, and he came home intact from World War II and had a career that he loved, a wide range of friends, was active in the community, attended our school events, and in short had all of the things that Sam never had. That is how I have made peace with his loss.

For my fiancé, I bargained long and hard with God – I really wanted that miracle to occur, and I was offering whatever it took to make that deal. Georgette and I had dated in college, had lost touch after graduation when we went our separate ways, and then had come back together 23 years later - even though she was in Houston and I was in Philadelphia. She was recovering from her bout with cancer, and she amazed me with her attitude. She said that it was the best thing that ever happened to her, because it made her focus on what was important in life, and on making the most of every single day. In our three years together, we made that Houston-Philadelphia relationship work – but the cancer recurred, off and on, and I became familiar with chemo and radiation and the various tools used in that war. Ultimately, a brain tumor trumps them all. There was no miracle. After she died, her oncologist called me and told me “It was wonderful that you came into Georgette’s life. She would bubble when she spoke about you and your visits with each other. You gave her hope, and you gave her joy. We were amazed at the change in her condition. You gave her several additional years of life.” And she had given me much as well: she had taught me a better way to live, I had changed as a result, left my law firm, became self employed, and took control of my life. We traveled together – on a shoestring – and it showed me what could be done with just a little effort. We made the most of our time together. I realized that I had been given the miracle that I had bargained for. And that is how I have made peace with that loss.

My mother had been thrilled for me that I had found someone who made me so happy. She loved to travel and do things herself, and so we would compare notes on what we were each doing, where we were going and what we were seeing. We actually enjoyed seeing each other’s “vacation pictures” and hearing the stories behind them. She was devastated by my loss. And then six months later she was diagnosed with cancer. My mother was 80, and had lived a good long life, but she was more active and engaged with the world at 80 than people half her age. And so I went down the path again. Anger, check. Bargaining, check. Depression – that was still creeping around my door from the previous loss. In dealing with her loss, I came to recognize the traits that she had that live on in me. In considering her life and how she overcame the adversity she faced, I have found her sources of strength, and they have become my sources of strength. I have not fully made peace with her loss. I am not fully at “acceptance” with any of these losses. But they have given me tools to help deal with the next loss.

And now I need to teach my children about these tools, and how to use them, even though I have not fully mastered them myself. It is another time of supreme heartache, which is for all of us a mandatory stop on the journey through life. It is not a path I would choose, but that is not an option. We all must travel that path at times in our life. So I take that first step again, angrily searching for a reason when none is apparent, hoping for miracles, and knowing it is a long road to “acceptance” that has more downs than ups. But I am here on earth today on a beautiful spring day, and each drop of life is precious. I am grateful for that. And so I put one foot in front of the other and move forward down that path.

"Go to Meeting Clothes"

The Sunday when I cross-country skied to Meeting was the one where I fell furthest below the sartorial bar set by my Episcopalian upbringing.  I had worked up a good sweat over about two miles, and the snow was still falling, so I was soaked inside and out.  The noisy gas heater was on when I arrived, and the empty Meeting House - the heated half - was warm and welcoming.  I peeled off my layers, hat, gloves, boots, scarf, winter parka, snow pants, and sweater, and arrived at the bare minimum - running tights, socks and a long sleeved t shirt.  I had brought a dry shirt in my backpack, and so changed in to that, and then sat down at the piano.  From there I could look out the window and see the snow continuing to fall.  Alone in the Meeting, I was not much concerned about being caught in the equivalent of my underwear.  The snow had been falling all night.  There was no life on the roads during my ski over.  Who would be nutty enough to fight their way through it?  Other than me, of course. 

Ten minutes later, the door opened, and several people arrived in good cheer.  They had seen my skis outside and wondered who had skied to Meeting.  They were little concerned with my garb, and while I was slightly embarrassed to be so casually dressed, I was not going to put on my ski overalls for Meeting, and so after playing a little more while the meeting settled into silence, I found a seat on the bench closest to the heater, closed my eyes and settled in as well.  Quakers have many wonderful qualities, and one that I find appealing is that they don't give a fig about clothing and dressing up.  Simplicity in dress was one of their early guiding principles, and remains so today.  I have had people ask whether the Quakers at my Meeting wear plain grey and black clothes like the Amish or the Mennonites.  No, the modern Quaker is not obligated to choose from a smaller palette of colors.  Simplicity of dress is I think more of an attitude.  I don't worry about being fashionable and having a new suit and tie for my Quaker Meeting.  Khakis and a sport shirt will do.  I have seen George, a birthright Quaker, looking dapper in a checked sport coat, and so I have picked up several similar coats at Green Street, the Bryn Mawr consignment shop where clothes go when they are weeded out of the Main Line closets.  I like the comfortable casual look that George has, and I love the prices at Green Street.  So yes, I don't mind wearing a jacket to Meeting.  But a tie - a hated tie - a rope to wrap around my neck for decorative purposes?  Never!  When I bike to Meeting, I will bring a dry shirt and sit in my shirt and biking shorts.  I know that there will be no small knot of people after Meeting talking about my fashion failures.  The Quakers will not measure me with that yardstick.  And while others may feel the need to dress up when they go to God's house for an hour a week, the Quakers believe that God is within each of us, that he goes where we go and does what we do, all week long.  And so perhaps he judges us on our ethic and our accomplishments, and not on what we choose to wear for an hour on Sunday mornings. 

God on Piano

There is a small spinet piano in the far corner of Newtown Square Friends Meeting House. No one knows how long it has been there. It was slightly sour the first time I played it, but the keys all worked, and it was otherwise in good shape. When the friends found out that I played, they had the piano tuned for me. I am self taught, don't read music, but play by ear. I have a gift in this area - to be able to sit down at a piano and make music. It is a simple gift - I am not a virtuoso, not a genius, not a savant - just a person who can play a little piano. But at this ancient Quaker meeting house, I have found the performance hall that suits my gift.

I typically arrive early, sit down and put my fingers to the keyboard, and just let whatever is inside flow out. Sometimes it is hymn-like - sometimes New Agey - sometimes an improvisation over a familiar theme. A tune will come into my head, and so I play it, then repeat it with variations, or slow it down or change it and morph it into something else. That is much like I do when I sit at home and play. But there are certain times at the meeting house where something else happens, when I am no longer as conscious of what I am actually playing, and what is coming out is some unique thing that I have never encountered before. It is that last category that is wondrous - when the music is simply passing through me, and I am not as much the player as part of the instrument.

While I am playing, our small congregation trickles in to the Meeting. The process of adjusting yourself to the silence of a Quaker meeting is called "settling in". I continue to play quietly as people settle in. After about ten minutes, I leave the piano, the last few notes left ringing in the silence, and take a place on an old bench and join in the settled meeting.

In the traditional unprogrammed silent Quaker meeting, there is no minister to take charge of the service, no prayer book to follow, no printed program to tell you what to do and when to do it. Quakers have no minister who leads the service. Quakers believe there is God in everyone, and so there is no one person who has been chosen to lead the rest. In the silence of the meeting, some people will feel called to share a thought, a message, a lesson, with the rest of the Meeting. This is not a prepared text, but a message that comes to you, that percolates inside you in the silence, and that perhaps quickens you to share it with the Meeting. You have been called to minister to the Meeting. The person who feels that call will stand and share their message, and then sit back down. In the silence, each person decides whether that message speaks to them.

I rarely get that call to stand and share that type of message. There is still inside of me that boyhood shyness, that wish not to stand out in the crowd, that fear of public speaking that I have moved past in the rest of my life, but that is still present at certain times. But, after attending Quaker meetings over my first year, what I realized is that in fact I do get that call. When I sit at the piano in the corner, when I warm up and get lost in the history of the old Meeting House, with all of the people who have come for worship there over almost three hundred years, when I am no longer thinking about what I am playing, but looking out the window at the sky, and the music is simply flowing out of me, through the old piano, and filling up the silence … that is the message I am being led to share. When I am no longer creating the music, but instead the music is simply flowing through me, then I am the instrument, and God is the pianist.